Inquiring Minds Want to Know....
From the time we are born we ask questions. As we get older the questions become more complex, as do (often times) our answers. Some questions are expected, while others come out of the blue. I've come to realize that there is a series of (inappropriate) questions that that I have experienced (multiple times) as I go through my adult life. It may be that people think (incorrectly) that these are great conversation starters. However, these are personal questions, that most probably don't want to discuss, yet an answer is expected. Once people are satisfied with your first answer (or you tell them where to go) they will either A. move on to the next question or B. Shut up. Here is my personal take on these scenarios (Many of which I have PERSONALLY been in)-
1. When are you getting married? / Are you ever getting married?
There are 3 scenarios with this one- Single, Newly Dating, and Dating for Years.
Sometimes people choose not to get married or maybe they just haven't found their "one":
I know I'm single. If anything changes, I promise, you will be one of the first to know.
Other times, you've only been with someone a month or two & marriage is just NOT on your radar:
Now that it's been brought up- The thought of spending the rest of your with someone who chews their food like cud is a MAJOR turn off....I guess its back to square one, so we can have this discussion the NEXT time I see you.
Sometimes (in the case of myself) you've been with someone "for years" and that anniversary comes up, so people start getting concerned- "Is he afraid of commitment"? "Is this not serious"? :
No, I'm only 19, just got out of High School & don't have a REAL job... But, thanks for asking, Ill be sure to send you an invite if anything pans out.
I commend people for not settling or rushing things. Main stream media glorifies the act of a proposal/wedding- think "The Bachelor", "The Bachelorette", "Say yes to the Dress", "4 Weddings", "Something Old, something New", yet we don't talk about what really goes on when the cameras stop rolling & reality of real life settles in. It's work- lots of work. It's also compromise, giving, apologizing, & forgiving. Today far too many marriages end in divorce.
2. Are you going to have kids?
Once you finally find "the one" you laugh in the face of "Marriage" question. That is, until your met with the ever dreaded question of offspring. From the moment you are married, the question will arise- Over, and over, and over again. It's a loaded question & one that can be met with several different answers, but people ask anyway!
For someone who doesn't want children.
A simple "No" & a look will nip this in the bud. (I have personally witnessed this tactic & can say that for certain that it DOES works). There is also the ever popular My husband is impotent.
Then you have those that are struggling- Infertility and/or Miscarriage. This questions brings up emotions that one struggles with constantly.
Why yes, I would love to have children, but the stars just haven't quite aligned yet. But I would like to thank you, "A Baby Story", & the countless 'Johnson & Johnson", pregnancy test & diaper commercials that remind me of this Every.Single.Day.
Ideally, if you plan on having children you are Pregnant when this question is asked, and you can give the answer that is wanted.
Were expecting! I'm swollen, none of my clothes fit, I gag every time I smell food and I'm pretty sure my pelvic bone is going to shatter at any given moment.
3. Are you going to have any more children?
It's a Boy- your Pride & Joy, yet one just can't be enough. I remember still being in the hospital from having our 1st. Staples fresh & catheter still in place & someone asked this dreaded question.
12 hours of labor, 1 emergency C-section, 28 staples, a baby that has an alien head & the dreaded decision of "To circumcise/to not circumcise" is still heavy on my mind. I'm afraid this is a question we will have to revisit at a more appropriate time...at least after I've showered & had my next dose of pain meds.
4. Do you hope it's a Girl / Boy?
You're now expecting number 2. Apparently your only having another one so you can even up the sexes, or because you REALLY only wanted the other sex to begin with.
Actually, sometimes, God has plans for us that we aren't aware of at the time. Sometimes babies are surprises & some times they are planned. While its cliché- I'm just hoping for a healthy baby. I'm partial to Boys, but I would love a girl, just the same.
5. Are you Done?
Once you are pregnant for the 3+ time, people begin to think your crazy. They ask if you are "finally done", and everyone is sick of you being pregnant.
My kids are 7, 4 & 2. I don't know if I will have any more or not. I've had kids in diapers for 7 1/2 years straight. That's over 19,000 diapers. Pair that with being home 6 days a week & homeschooling and people automatically label you with the "Duggar Complex". I think they are most shocked that I don't have long hair & wear skirts.
6. Are you going to "Try" for a Girl?
I guess in everyone else's eye having 3 kids of the same sex is a curse, and they feel sorry for you. I'm not sure where it came from, but it's probably the one that bothers me the most of all.
Do I look sad? Unfulfilled? Maybe overwhelmed at times, but I think it's from having 3 kids- period. Not because they are boys. Truth be told, I enjoy being the only gal in the house- Queen if you will. I've always thought I would be a mommy to boys. Girls have never been on my radar or something I've longed for. Sure, bows & tutus would be cute, but I', just not the "girly type". After 3 boys, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have the 1st idea of what to do with a little girl, and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have a chance with these 3 as older brothers.
I have to remind myself that when asked these questions, people usually have good intentions. There are some that are just nosey, but overall, they are genuinely interested. My theory? Just breathe, even if it means biting your tongue.
What question have you been asked that drives you crazy?
1. When are you getting married? / Are you ever getting married?
There are 3 scenarios with this one- Single, Newly Dating, and Dating for Years.
Sometimes people choose not to get married or maybe they just haven't found their "one":
I know I'm single. If anything changes, I promise, you will be one of the first to know.
Other times, you've only been with someone a month or two & marriage is just NOT on your radar:
Now that it's been brought up- The thought of spending the rest of your with someone who chews their food like cud is a MAJOR turn off....I guess its back to square one, so we can have this discussion the NEXT time I see you.
Sometimes (in the case of myself) you've been with someone "for years" and that anniversary comes up, so people start getting concerned- "Is he afraid of commitment"? "Is this not serious"? :
No, I'm only 19, just got out of High School & don't have a REAL job... But, thanks for asking, Ill be sure to send you an invite if anything pans out.
I commend people for not settling or rushing things. Main stream media glorifies the act of a proposal/wedding- think "The Bachelor", "The Bachelorette", "Say yes to the Dress", "4 Weddings", "Something Old, something New", yet we don't talk about what really goes on when the cameras stop rolling & reality of real life settles in. It's work- lots of work. It's also compromise, giving, apologizing, & forgiving. Today far too many marriages end in divorce.
2. Are you going to have kids?
Once you finally find "the one" you laugh in the face of "Marriage" question. That is, until your met with the ever dreaded question of offspring. From the moment you are married, the question will arise- Over, and over, and over again. It's a loaded question & one that can be met with several different answers, but people ask anyway!
For someone who doesn't want children.
A simple "No" & a look will nip this in the bud. (I have personally witnessed this tactic & can say that for certain that it DOES works). There is also the ever popular My husband is impotent.
Then you have those that are struggling- Infertility and/or Miscarriage. This questions brings up emotions that one struggles with constantly.
Why yes, I would love to have children, but the stars just haven't quite aligned yet. But I would like to thank you, "A Baby Story", & the countless 'Johnson & Johnson", pregnancy test & diaper commercials that remind me of this Every.Single.Day.
Ideally, if you plan on having children you are Pregnant when this question is asked, and you can give the answer that is wanted.
Were expecting! I'm swollen, none of my clothes fit, I gag every time I smell food and I'm pretty sure my pelvic bone is going to shatter at any given moment.
3. Are you going to have any more children?
It's a Boy- your Pride & Joy, yet one just can't be enough. I remember still being in the hospital from having our 1st. Staples fresh & catheter still in place & someone asked this dreaded question.
12 hours of labor, 1 emergency C-section, 28 staples, a baby that has an alien head & the dreaded decision of "To circumcise/to not circumcise" is still heavy on my mind. I'm afraid this is a question we will have to revisit at a more appropriate time...at least after I've showered & had my next dose of pain meds.
4. Do you hope it's a Girl / Boy?
You're now expecting number 2. Apparently your only having another one so you can even up the sexes, or because you REALLY only wanted the other sex to begin with.
Actually, sometimes, God has plans for us that we aren't aware of at the time. Sometimes babies are surprises & some times they are planned. While its cliché- I'm just hoping for a healthy baby. I'm partial to Boys, but I would love a girl, just the same.
5. Are you Done?
Once you are pregnant for the 3+ time, people begin to think your crazy. They ask if you are "finally done", and everyone is sick of you being pregnant.
My kids are 7, 4 & 2. I don't know if I will have any more or not. I've had kids in diapers for 7 1/2 years straight. That's over 19,000 diapers. Pair that with being home 6 days a week & homeschooling and people automatically label you with the "Duggar Complex". I think they are most shocked that I don't have long hair & wear skirts.
6. Are you going to "Try" for a Girl?
I guess in everyone else's eye having 3 kids of the same sex is a curse, and they feel sorry for you. I'm not sure where it came from, but it's probably the one that bothers me the most of all.
Do I look sad? Unfulfilled? Maybe overwhelmed at times, but I think it's from having 3 kids- period. Not because they are boys. Truth be told, I enjoy being the only gal in the house- Queen if you will. I've always thought I would be a mommy to boys. Girls have never been on my radar or something I've longed for. Sure, bows & tutus would be cute, but I', just not the "girly type". After 3 boys, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have the 1st idea of what to do with a little girl, and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have a chance with these 3 as older brothers.
I have to remind myself that when asked these questions, people usually have good intentions. There are some that are just nosey, but overall, they are genuinely interested. My theory? Just breathe, even if it means biting your tongue.
What question have you been asked that drives you crazy?
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